A-fucking-gain~

Okay, so like... Recently, my dad has been making me shut down Saphi and give it to him before he and I both go to bed so that I won't stay up all night on her.

Which, is completely understandable. Not that it does help me sleep like I'm supposed to anyways but whatever! :'3

So like... The other night. Thursday night, I believe? I was on the Interbuttz.

And my dad was going to bed, and was like "Give it here". And I'm like "Hold on, let me shut it down" and he was like "It's okay, I will. *snatches computer*".

So Firefox was open and logged into DA.

Why am I grounded? Well, he snooped through my journals and found out about my little escapade with Payton. _{~Key2Immortality jinxed it. ;A;}

So, yeah. Because of that, I've lost my computer. Is it just me or does that even make any fucking sense?

I even said that it didn't make sense to him. He was like "For one thing, you lied to us".

True enough. I give him that. But in my defense, what the hell else was I to do? OHEY MOM AND DAD I'M MEETING A GUY FOR A DATE BE BACK LATER LOVE YOU.

And then he said I "misused" my computer. >,>;

Misused? LOL Ookkkkaayyyy. Whatever, dad.

I apparently misused it in the sense that the Internet is how I met Payton and planned everything with.

It's true, I did do that. But MISUSE? I'm sorry, but I can't help but get defensive with that term. It makes me think he's saying YOU USED YOUR COMPUTER IN AN ILL AND DISGUSTING MANNER.

*rolls eyes* IDK. But, yeah. I'm grounded from it. Just over that.

But, oh well. Payton's not very talkative I've come to learn and smokes and drinks which is a complete turn off. I don't think it would have worked anyways. But hey, it was fun. *shrug*

So like, recently the whole fact of me being homosexual has been coming up, and with this incident it's only worsened.

In the past, my parents have wanted to just shove things under the rug and not talk about it. But since it's not something you can just ignore, the issue has grown and is resurfacing even more worse than it ever has been.

Sooo... On my end, things have not been fun.

When my dad found out, he came back in the lounge room and talked to me about it. It was awkward. All talks involving homosexuality is beyond weird with them.

For one thing, they want me to talk to them on this. Not that they accept it, just to "help me". But when and if I ever do they're all OHGOD THAT'S SO UNNATURAL AND GROSS I WANNA PUKE.

They make me feel so... Ashamed. And that's not right. I shouldn't feel this way. They're so bad that I would honestly be straight in a heart beat if it were possible.

Do you realise how sad that it? That I can't even feel comfortable with who I am and that just because they have a problem with it, it has to be hell for me?

I... I don't even fucking know anymore. If I didn't care so much about my friends and family. I'd commit suicide. No doubt.

But, I won't. So don't worry. Like I said, I care too much for my friends and family. But not only that. I'm more mature, and I will not be a coward. I'm going to keep myself alive to be here for the ones I care about, because I tend to care for others more than I do myself. Not only that, but I'm not going to let the world win, I have far too much potential to let things get me down.

But that being said, it is hard to maintain that attitude.

It's just like... My parents don't even try to understand things from my end. They're completely and utterly stubborn beyond the length of human capacity on this.

And it's all fueled on their stupid fucking Bible.

Forgive me for saying that. I'm not completely against Christianity. But it's kind of hard not to be when it's what drives your parents to be the way that mine are.

It's so hard not having a single one of them support me. They're both such hard asses on this.

It's very depressing, it truly is. I live in a small farm town here in Texas. It's a community full of church-goers and rednecks. This is not the place to be as a homosexual.

I have no problem with Christianity. I was raised a Christian and I tend to behave like one because of that. But Christianity has created so much homophobia. Not to mention the prejudice.

Here's one thing that pisses me right the fuck off. And that's how Christians judge homosexuality.

They quote their fucking little scriptures at us and judge us, avoiding us as if we're the plague. But guess what, there are many different things that are in the Bible that go against the way that they ridicule compare to the THREE ONLY scriptures that forbid homosexuality. Thou shalt not fucking judge. God says we are not to judge for that it is his place. And we are to treat all the same and love everyone regardless of their sin.

Christians are such hypocrites sometimes. They pick and choose what they want to in the Bible and that's what gets me.

I'm not bashing Christianity. As I've said, I may not be very religious but I am basically a Christian myself.

But it's why my parents remain so toght about this. They will NOT look at it from a non-religious perspective, nor will they try uderstanding how it is in my shoes.

They tell me it's a choice. It's not a fucking choice. I swear, that is probably the single most ignorant thing I've heard in my entire life.

If it was a choice I'd be straight right now. Because I tell you what, the stress and drama that comes with this is almost too much to even handle. I can't even begin to explain to you the kind of stress I have to endure daily.

And it's like... If it was a choice, why wouldn't I be straight? Finding a girl who I love both as a friend and more to marry and spend my life with, having children and dying happily together from old age, from a nice long life.

I would kill to be "normal" and have that. But you know what, that's just not how it is.

The thought of kissing a girl and... Liking a girl is honestly nauseating to me. :/

That's just how gay I am.

FFFF Just, fuck. All of it. I can't take it anymore. I have no idea what I'd do without my friends. Oh, that's right. I'd end up killing myself. Lovely.

I've been so mopey from all of this. I've been staying up and then just... Sleeping all day. And not just sleeping because I'm tired and need it. But because I'm so depressed it's all I want to do. Just fall asleep and not have to think or worry.

On an unrelated though more positive note, Jas is back. : D _{Obviously, Trent. Obviously.}

She had fun, which is was so happy about for her.

She brought be back shit too. <3

If I had Saphi, I'd browse for pics of the merchandise and link you but I obviously can't so I'll just tell you instead. _{How boring.}

I got a little Chibi rubberish plastic Mismagius, sticker/card things, a tiny Regigigas and platform and stuff from a vending machine, a little coloring book and like... Tiny zip up binder for it, a Rotom watch with a pic of Rotom and all of its forms, a Pikachu fan (like, paper fan mah face fan), and a little Pikachu figure whose head moves side to side if it's switched on and is solar powered. <3

And then her and I just hung out and looked at her pics of her marvelous adventure. Twas fun, quite fun.

Oh, and for the 4th of July. My family did nothing. LOL

Except for my dad and brother who bought the cheap do it yourself fireworks at the last minute and went into the country to set them off. My mom and I stayed home and watched TV together. It was awesome. :'3

Oh, and Camp Copass. Remember me going last year? LOL

Well, I'm NOT going again. It was kind of just a one time thing of fun for me, but my brother is.

Which means A WHOLE WEEK FREE OF HIM.

I know that sounds terrible, but you don't understand.

Him and I used to always fight, and then we finally got to where we got along really well.

Then... Puberty hit him.

Now that he's gone all Pu-Bert-Oh on me... He's a little bitch. ;A;

I dun like him anymore, he's mean. D;

And recently, he's been god awfully annoying.

So a week away from each other will probably do us both some good.

And because he's gone, I get Peanut (family pet, chihuahua) to sleep with all week instead of taking turns. :'B

So, yeah. With being grounded, I shall be doing a lot of traditional art practice... And video games.

If anyone wants me to commission a clay figure (see my Koinu Figure Deviation), please comment here. I'll have lots of free time being grounded. LOLOLOL

I'll be able to get on DA every once in a while via Wii's Internet Channel while I'm grounded, like I'm doing now.

Also, I'll be on Messenger with my phone and stuff more but not all the time or anything.

And if some of you guys (that I know well enough) have cell phones with unlimited text and would like me number, note me. I need more online friends on my phone to text. D;

So, ILY guys. I'll be completely back eventually. Hopefully, before summer ends. ;0;


- Trent M. (DigiX101)